Archive - May, 2011

Houseboats 2011: Act Like Men

May 30, 2011 in Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Youth Ministry with 0 Comments

One of the things I love about my job is the amazing staff team that I get to work with.  Most of them are young 20-year-olds who are either seminary grads or are currently in seminary.   I have the luxury of always having a lot of candidates for open positions and God has brought some pretty amazing people to the team. I want to highlight two of them really quick and show you the curriculum they’ve developed for this weeks Houseboat trip.  Charlie Dunn and Kevin Klay are our High School Team Male leaders.  Officially Kevin’s title is Director of High School Male Discipleship and Charlie is the Associate Director.  They might be two of the smarter people I’ve ever worked with and also have huge hearts for discipleship.  Charlie somehow managed to graduate from Dartmouth in 3 years and Kevin has a grasp of the Bible like no one I’ve ever met.  Charlie is currently a M.Div student at Redeemer Seminary in Dallas and Kevin Klay is a Dallas Theological Seminary Grad who’s heading to Ethiopia next year working with SIM as a missionary.  I love working with them and was blown away by the outline they gave me last week.  I thought I’d post it here just to show you what we are trying to do with a bunch of guys on a lake this week and encourage you to steal it and use it for your own guys trip.  This is the first guys only trip like this we’ve done and we are so stoked and scared for this next 5 days.

Acting Like Men

Theme Verse: 1 Cor. 16:13-14

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”

1) Relating to the Opposite Sex

  1. a. Be Watchful Against (Lust, Chauvinism, Not Listening)
    1. i.     Demeaning women – Wanting women to be dumb, pretty, and submissive
    2. ii.     Lust – Ogling women and treating them as sex objects
    3. iii.     Not Listening/Noticing – unwilling to listen to what they have to say or notice things they are doing
  2. b. Stand Firm in treating Women as God’s Image Bearers

2) Relating to Self

  1. a. Be Watchful Against Self-Promotion (Egoism, Machoism, Reputation, etc.)
    1. i.     Competitive – wanting to be the best and triumph over others.
    2. ii.     Power hungry – wanting to be in control and unwilling to serve.
    3. iii.     Identity – defining yourself by what you want to be good at
    4. iv.     Defensive – protecting honor and pride. Inclination to revenge.
  2. b. Stand Firm by Putting Your confidence in God

3) Relating to Emotions

  1. a. Be Watchful Against Emotional Absence  (Indifference, Stoicism, etc.)
    1. i.     Emotionally guarded – unwilling to talk about feelings or admit problems.
    2. ii.     Unsympathetic – not concerned for the needs/hurts of others. Indifferent.
  2. b. Stand Firm by Emotionally Engaging and Caring for Others

4) Relating to Work and the World

  1. a. Be Watchful Against Immaturity  (Laziness, Conformity)
    1. i.     Lazy – Expect others to do things for them. Unwilling to be disciplined about studying the Bible, prayer, etc.
    2. ii.     Unprincipled – Unwilling to take a stand for what’s right
  2. b. Stand Firm by Working for Christ and Contending for Truth

 

Youth Ministry Falsehood #1: You must be with students 24/7

May 30, 2011 in Youth Ministry with 13 Comments

When I started thinking about this series I didn’t realize the strong emotions that people were going to have to these issues.  What I found between week that I published the teaser post and now quite a few people e-mailed me with stories of hurt and frustration for how they had been treated by their churches.  Sadly many of them felt like the list below was their actual job description and they just never felt like they matched up with what I consider unrealistic expectations.
What I find most frustrating is the number of young youth workers who get quickly burned out trying to live up to these things and more often than not they don’t have any good role models to help them learn healthy practices.  When so many churches act as revolving doors of youth ministry leadership too they have seen this unhealthy model over and over again.
So here’s my first stab at the list.   One Falsehood that I want to hit right away is the belief that if you are a Youth worker you must be with students 24/7.
I got my start in youth ministry working at a camp. There are some really great things about camping ministry but also some really tough parts.  The negative side of camping ministry is that many young impressionable youth workers get started spending 24/7 with students for up to 4 weeks at a time. They “live” with these students in a small cabin and spend all day with them.  These leaders are taught how to disciple and are shown the importance of building these relationships during the camp weeks.  There is almost no off time and the singular focus often produces pretty significant deep conversations and relationships quickly.  The problem is this work style isn’t sustainable outside of the camp world.   Youth workers who only know what it means to do 24/7 camp ministry often burnout really quickly in the church world.  They are unprepared for having to “compete” with students real lives and business.  They often try to recreate or continue these relationships but mostly it has negative results on their own social lives, health, spiritual lives and even sometimes their sanity.
One of my favorite passages of scripture which talks about relational ministry comes from the writings of Paul.   1Th. 2:8 “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.” This passage shows a model of ministry that involves “doing life” together.  It involves “sharing” with each other. But this passage can also be a negative thing.  We need to figure out how to do relational ministry in a healthy sustainable way.
This is important to me as I regularly have students in my home and try to engage them in my life as I get to be a part of theirs.  Before I go on I need to make sure you understand that I love spending time with students.  Tomorrow I’m heading on a 5 day houseboat trip to Arkansas with 35 High School guys.  I love these types of events and really value extended time with students.  But, I don’t do these events every week.  I try to be super strategic and make sure that I go on a lot of our summer trips because these extended times with students are really valuable.   In fact this summer I’m leading this Houseboat trip, a missions trip to Seattle and a family trip to Israel.  I’m going to be really busy but it is just for a season.  In the middle of all that I’m also taking my family on a 2 week vacation to Mexico and at the tail end of summer we’re going to Yosemite for 4 days.
So how do you make healthy decisions for how much and when to spend time with students.
The best resources I know about how to do Relational Youth Ministry right are all written by Andy Root.  Andy is probably one of the sharper theologians in the Youth Ministry world and also someone who is willing to get out from behind his lecturn and actually “do” youth ministry.  His book Relationships Unfiltered is a great reminder of the value of how to have great, solid, well intentioned relationships with teenagers but to also do it in a healthy way.  I’ve heard Andy talk before about the power of “Open” vs “Closed” relationships.   In his book he talks about how much more value is placed on “Open” when people know that there is a “Closed” part of you.  For example many of us  in the church world are always sad when we drive to Chick Fil-A for lunch after church on Sunday forgetting that it isn’t open on that day.  But if it was open we wouldn’t value it quite as much.  The fact that the restaurant chain has something it believes in and that it has value in not working on Sunday creates more value for us.
Maybe a better way of thinking about this is to just quickly think what restaurants are open 24 hours near where you live.  Chances are they are fast food restaurants that we all know are not healthy for you.
The point is students will value you more if they know that you are not always available.
Here’s a few bullet points to think about.

A. Being open 24 hours is not sustainable. You can do it short term but you will burn out
B. Being open 24 hours decreases your value.  If I know you are only open a short time I will make sure to get there and engage during that time. If you are always open I value you less and will also probably waste a lot of your time with unimportant things.
C. Students need to see that you have a “real” life outside of ministry.  They will value you more when they see that you are a real person instead of just someone who is always available and at their beck and call.
D. Setting healthy models for yourself will help you last longer in ministry.  Too many youth workers struggle with marriage problems because they try to keep the same model going from when they were single to married.  Create healthy models as a single person.
As always there is more to this. I don’t claim to be an expert in anything except to know that I don’t know it all. I know some of you who read this might be young and single and feel like you have a lot of free time to “hang out” with students.  I just want you to be aware that there are seasons in everyones lives where things are easier or more difficult.  You need to figure out a model for you that allows you to be healthy as well as have a sustainable career in this youth ministry world you’ve chosen.
Here’s the full list of the Youth Ministry Falsehoods.
  1. You must be with students 24/7
  2. You must be young
  3. You must be single
  4. You must be irresponsible and fly by the Seat of your Pants.
  5. You must be theologically trained
  6. You must be an extrovert
  7. You must a great upfront communicator
  8. You must be wild and crazy and a kid magnet
  9. You must be willing to be poor
  10. You must want to be a “real” pastor some day

New Series: Youth Ministry Falsehoods

May 20, 2011 in Youth Ministry with 2 Comments

Yesterday I was reading Doug Fields Blog about a guy who had recently been fired from his youth ministry.  It got me thinking that in many cases I know of people have been fired or lost their jobs in youth ministry because they didn’t line up with some expectations that others have about who they should be and what they should be doing. As I talked to a few friends I realized that many of the expectations that are placed on youth workers are really not very fair to them and are actually false realities of what it means to be effective in ministering to teens and families. So today I took a stab at writing out 10 topics that I think are false realities that some people think are “requirements” of begin a youth worker.  I’m sure that there are more than 10 and the readers of this blog might add some to the comments which might modify this list a bit.  But here’s my 10 for today.
  1. You must be with students 24/7
  2. You must be young
  3. You must be single
  4. You must be irresponsible and fly by the Seat of your Pants.
  5. You must be theologically trained
  6. You must be an extrovert
  7. You must a great upfront communicator
  8. You must be wild and crazy and a kid magnet
  9. You must be willing to be poor
  10. You must want to be a “real” pastor some day
I’m going to blog about these the next 10 days excluding weekends.  Hopefully the readership and discussion generated will help the youth ministry community reaffirm that youth ministry leadership is bigger than the requirements in this list.  

Youth Ministry as a Stepping Stone to “real” ministry

May 16, 2011 in Youth Ministry with 2 Comments

You probably think that I’m going to rant here a bit about churches that don’t believe Youth Ministry is a career but instead is just the “Stepping Stone” place where young pastors go before they are given a “real” pastoral position. But, I’m not. Instead I’m going to invite anyone who is interested to come and see “real”  transformational ministry. Yesterday I had the chance to be involved in leading 3 different services for our “Student Sunday” event.  Every year my role gets less and less as we continue to value giving all the major parts of the services to students.  This year in our traditional service we had 3 amazing graduating seniors co-teach the sermon.  In our contemporary service we combined with our All-Nations worship service and it too was student led as  graduating 6th, 8th and 9th grade students shared. It was an amazing experience to hear from these students and see their faith be real. I think youth ministry can be a “Stepping Stone” but not int the traditional mindset. I think more people should view youth ministry as something to step into and not out of. Why is it that when young people share their faith the church is always so moved?  Is it because we think it’s “cute” or is something more significant happening? When we see students who are making real life decisions based on what they believe why do smile?  Is it that we as adults wish that we could have a faith that actually shapes major decisions in our lives? Do we wish for their simple lives and new faith? What can we learn from the faith of teenagers?  I believe a lot. I want to invite anyone who has been working in the church for any significant amount of time and might be burned out, frustrated or jaded to come and visit the youth ministry. It might actually be a Stepping Stone back to ministry for you.

Going Deeper with Pamela Erin’s: Reclaiming the Beautiful

May 1, 2011 in Youth Ministry with 0 Comments

I’m so pretty!

Okay, truthfully, if I look in the mirror, I don’t really believe that statement. But I also know that God created me the way that God did with a purpose and that ultimately God’s image is reflected in me. So I’ve been asked to respond to Pamela Erwin’s great thoughts about “Reclaiming the Beautiful.” First, I should probably let you know I’m a 40-year-old white male who struggles with self-image sometimes. I also live in Dallas, Texas, which is not one of the most beautiful places in the United States. I did grow up in the Pacific Northwest, though, and lived in California for a long time, so I feel like I do have a good sense of natural beauty. As I began to read Pamela’s article, I was immediately struck by my own frustration with how the world views beauty. We live in such an image-dominated culture, and I feel more and more that the images we see every day are being manipulated to create a false reality. It’s no wonder we have multi-billion-dollar industries aimed at helping people become more beautiful. We are showing them pictures that are so fake and retouched that there is no possible way they can ever achieve that level of beauty. When Pamela says we’ve lost a “connection between beauty and God,” I think about so many strip-mall churches and converted office complexes that we use as places to go and worship God. There are still many beautiful churches, but why is it that some of the fastest-growing churches in the U.S. are not in those beautiful spaces? And if we look across the Atlantic, we see thousands of beautiful churches sitting empty. How can we reclaim the connection? Pamela creates a credible theological case for understanding beauty, and I appreciate her scholarly work to give the reader a chance to reflect on early church writers. I wish she had moved beyond the 18th century to offer an understanding of what more recent scholars, writers and artists are doing with this concept. I also appreciate her use of Scripture and breaking this down into four well-thought-out concepts. I am going to give what I think might be some practical ways to explore each one more. First, she mentions that we can get an idea of “physical beauty and splendor” from the Scriptures and specifically mentions some of the Old Testament stories that show some of importance placed on beauty. A church that is doing some of this well is Ecclesia in Houston. They have an artist-in-residence named Scott Erickson (http://createvisualculture.wordpress.com/). Each week Scott paints during the service to help show the congregation the beauty in the message. I have seen him do this at a number of conferences and feel like this is a great way to reclaim some of the beauty we have lost in the biblical narrative. Second she mentions beauty as a gift that we can “give to one another and even to God.” I love this idea that we have the capacity to give beauty. In a practical sense, I think that in some cases, our worship services can provide that context where we are able to do that with others. If we can fully comprehend the gift we have been given by God and see it as a beautiful thing, then giving it to others will free them to see themselves and the world through God’s eyes. Third, she talks about the close connection between call and beauty. All of us have felt an intense longing when we stand somewhere like the Grand Canyon or watching the sunset on a perfect beach. We have a deep longing to have that experience continue. I have felt that a few times as God and I have had intimate times together; moments when I feel God’s presence within the beauty I am experiencing. We can release people to experience this type of beauty by using visual images in our gatherings. We can tap into our inherent understanding of beautiful things and point to the creator who made them that way. Finally, Erwin draws a close connection to the Godhead itself being infused with beauty in its Trinitarian makeup. The same yet distinct parts of the Trinity are in themselves both infused in and connected to beauty. I couldn’t help but think about The Shack as I read this part. When I read that book, I was overwhelmed by emotion and the interplay of beauty that is shown between the characters. Even as I write this, I’m having a desire to run out of my office and go find a beautiful place where I can interact with God. But, I also recognize that is not always an option. Sometimes I get stuck in pretty ugly places, and sometimes I feel pretty ugly myself. Pamela is right in saying that we need a “theology that embraces a passionate love for God’s beauty and one that encourages young people to embrace beauty, not simply as a physical attribute but as a characteristic of our souls.” I’ve been a youth pastor for a long time, and I admit that this is an area I regularly fail in. I have never done a good job of helping students embrace any sort of beauty. What’s a practical way of getting at the point of this whole discussion? I think many of us in the youth ministry world are probably similar to myself. We are broken in the area of beauty. For whatever reason, we have stopped believing that God sees us as beautiful. We also may have gotten to a place where we don’t believe we have the capacity to create beauty, and as we fail at our desire to create, we believe the lie that we cannot then recognize beauty. Here are some practical tips to integrate a more well-rounded emphasis on beauty in your youth ministry. Teach with images and metaphors. We have become so literal in our teaching that students have lost the ability to truly see beyond the page of what is being taught. We have to teach in ways that engage that side of their brains. Provide a place for beauty to be engaged. We don’t do much with beauty in our youth room at my church. But we have ample space to engage in this way. What if you freed your students, leaders, adults in simple ways to respond to God through beauty? Break free of believing that youth ministry must be done in any one certain way with a game, three songs and a Bible Study. Those things are all great, but they’re not the full story. Think deeply about how you can engage more of the wholeness of the gospel story within your meetings. Download Reclaiming the Beautiful by clicking here This article was originally posted on the Immerse Journal website. I am on the advisory board for Immerse Journal. I encourage you to go check out the amazing content that writers are putting up there. Click here.

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