Want to know one thing I’m really good at? I’m amazing at making people think I know what I’m doing.
It is a learned skill really. Early in my years working in the church I realized that there wasn’t much space for me to admit when I was stuck. The culture of the churches I worked at valued leadership with vision, plans and answers.
So I learned how to hide insecurities, lack of knowledge and uncertainty with false bravado, smokescreens and luck.
Recently I’ve felt like I’ve had to relearn how to admit when I don’t know what to do. Because I’ve compensated for so long and can talk a really good game it’s a tough change. I’ve been starting meetings lately making a statement about how I’m not sure what we are going to do and that I am fully aware when I talk about dreams and ideas it sounds like I already have it all figured out.
One great thing that I’m finding in the midst of this new reality I’m trying to live is that I’m actually freed up to do the things I do well. I’m finding myself leading better staff meetings, asking better questions and being more comfortable asking what people think. I’ve let go of the belief that I’m supposed to have the answers and in a weird way the answers are actually coming quicker because the right people are giving them.
I’m not sure what this all means but I’m pretty sure I could find some great supportive theological quotes from people way smarter than me that would bolster my thoughts. However that would just perpetuate the problem. I don’t read a lot of theologians. I don’t really quote many of them in my normal life so just putting their thoughts here would be part of my false life.
So if you are looking to follow a leader who has it all figured out and has his 5 points to success memorized and the perfect plan to get there I would just ask you to go find another blog and someone else to follow.
I’m just going to continue to wrestle with my thoughts here and if you want to wrestle with me throw up a comment and we can chat. Let’s allow this to be a place where we admit more often than not we don’t have perfect plans or ideas and we don’t know what to do. I’d be very happy if we could do this together because I think that the world is tired of Christian Leaders who think they know everything and have it all figured out.
On another note I was looking for an image to put up with this blog and I just learned that “faking it” is the wrong thing to google.
5 Responses to “Youth Pastor Confession: I need help”
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Thanks for giving us freedom to not have it all together. I feel like so much of ministry blogging is “what I know” and “what I’ve figured out”. But a post that says “I don’t have all the answers” is refreshing. Thanks for sharing, man.
Thanks Jason- I’m finding more and more that being open and transparent is a more helpful place to lead from. Appreciate you agreeing.
It takes a while to be comfortable to say “I don’t know…” because at least when I am in a new leadership position it is natural to say, “I know a few things…” so you implement your vision. Then I realize that the context I am in needs something completely new. There is a diversity of needs I had never considered, and eyes are opened to new possibilities and challenges – then – I really just “don’t know what to do”.
At that moment you realize who believes in God’s plan, not just your plan. How exciting the moment is when you realize that everyone around you has these great ideas and visions that can be braided together from what God has given them.
That’s what being a team is about – giving when you can, receiving when you lack. I love it.
Lars,
It’s interesting to have worked with you, albeit not directly, and hear you say these things. I hate to burst your confessional bubble but there is a popular saying, “fake it till you make it.”
It’s popular because a lot of people in various industries have done the same thing. And it’s not necessarily a weakness or character flaw.
Our paths, both historically, and currently are different to be sure. What I find interesting is that in the past I thought of myself as practicing the opposite: wearing my heart on my sleeve, admitting perceived flaws, to what I feel now was my detriment. I am going the opposite way now & adapting the approach you say you used to take.
I think it’s not that I am not being forthwright or trying to hide weakness. Rather I see it as keeping my mouth shut in the midfle of realizing that even my perception of myself and my experiences changes. Knowledge itself is subjective and can change whenever new information is introduced. Feelings change too.
I remember something our mutual friend/ acquaintance Bruce Rognlien said to me once. He said, “People don’t always know what they want and what they want changes.” That means me too.
Why would you not want to take the lead in a world full of impermanence? It’s those who put one foot in front of another and say let’s go in the midst of uncertainty who I want to walk beside. The wise ones will know you don’t have all the answers anyway.
Josh- Great comment it made me think. I have 2 thoughts. First you are right. It’s easy to admit when you don’t know what you are doing when you’ve made it to the top. The “Fake it till you make it” mentality is very prevalent in much of my world. Secondly what I am attempting to do with this post is free up the people I work with and am around to have the freedom to admit when they don’t know what they are doing. This point didn’t come across well in the post. But I think about our past. If we’d walked into meetings with leaders who told us that they weren’t sure what to do and they were ok if we didn’t either we probably would have done better wrestling through things with them. Or if a senior leader actually admitted they didn’t know and us as the younger folks had a viable thought that we figured might help we would have felt very empowered.
I don’t always know how my thoughts will come across via the interweb here and even as I reread my post after reading your comment I was self critical of how I might be perceived. My goal is to not be a know it all but instead to simply be someone else on the journey and to help those who are traveling on a similar road.
Thanks again for posting. You’ve made me think.