I had a great conversation with a close friend tonight via text message. (Yes I still call those conversations) we were talking about how he is frustrated because there are some people in his church past who are being judgmental about choices he's making in his life now. His response to me was that when people go into that mode he just "cuts them out" of his life because it's not worth it. As the conversation continued I challenged him to think about how he needs to be gracious to them. At the time when I wrote that he needed to "show grace" it sounded like a pretty good thing for me to say. But, all night long I've been thinking about it more and more and wonder really if that was good advice.
As we continued talking I asked him if he'd cut me out if I started to question him and to confront him on issues. He said no because I'd "earned" the right to be honest and straightforward with him because he knows I love him. Does that mean I've "earned" grace from him when I say tough things?
I'm wrestling with this as I question how "conditional" my grace is. I want to be a part of a Christian life that tells people that no matter where they are at I will accept them and love them. But, I also want to make sure that they know I hold to some Biblical principles that I think we are told to follow.
I truly believe what Paul writes in Romans 8:38-39 that "nothing" can separate us from God's Love. I also desire to model that with my friend with my own love.
I think a lot about teenagers and their often crazy lives. I want students that I work with to always know that the grace we show them is fully unconditional. That we will not love more if they reach our "standards" of living.
This whole thing has gotten me a little frustrated because I do fully love and support my friend. He's hurt and frustrated and feels like he has the right to cut these people out. But, I think that grace goes both ways. He has to figure out how to give it to those who are hurting him even if they are choosing to withhold it.
I just wish that I could model this better. I'm also wishing our churches knew how to love people where they are first.
“That we will not love them once they start living to the standard that we expect them to live.”
What? Is this a grammatical error, because this sentence, in context, is just confusing. FYI also a spelling glitchy last paragraph.
I enjoy reading your insights. I am also praying for your success with your ordination exams.
Thanks Suzanne- I went back in and reworked it to be less confusing and took out any spelling issues I found.
Lars Rood \\ Working to figure it all out
web: My Blog \\ Stream Youth \\ twitter \\ facebook \\
Hey Lars!
Not to be too simplistic, but I would think that the options of extending grace or cutting the person(s) off wouldn’t have to be in conflict with each other. I’m a big fan of grace, and of honest communication in an attempt to resolve conflict…but there’s got to be a point where that frustration and judgment isn’t part of a healthy, accountable relationship.
Wouldn’t you say there’s a point where it’s OK to tell someone that you politely disagree and that they’re crossing the line from concerned friend to “resounding gong”? Personally, I can take criticism all day long from someone that I know cares about me, but if it’s coming from someone with another motive then I’m more likely to avoid the conversation (and maybe the person) altogether.
Sean- I fully agree with you. Im a pretty simple person so I followed your logic.
Where I think its difficult is to say you disagree but to do it in a way that shows grace even to the criticism. I think motive is a big piece of the deal here. My friend doesnt feel that the motive is good from the people criticizing him but he knows that if I tell him what I think I do it from a place of love. Now, how do we model that to students? 
Lars Rood \\ Working to figure it all out
web: My Blog \\ Stream Youth \\ twitter \\ facebook \\
I just love to read your blog. It is interesting that you had this convo via text message given a post that I am working on to post after my sabbatical.