Want to know one thing I’m really good at? I’m amazing at making people think I know what I’m doing.
It is a learned skill really. Early in my years working in the church I realized that there wasn’t much space for me to admit when I was stuck. The culture of the churches I worked at valued leadership with vision, plans and answers.
So I learned how to hide insecurities, lack of knowledge and uncertainty with false bravado, smokescreens and luck.
Recently I’ve felt like I’ve had to relearn how to admit when I don’t know what to do. Because I’ve compensated for so long and can talk a really good game it’s a tough change. I’ve been starting meetings lately making a statement about how I’m not sure what we are going to do and that I am fully aware when I talk about dreams and ideas it sounds like I already have it all figured out.
One great thing that I’m finding in the midst of this new reality I’m trying to live is that I’m actually freed up to do the things I do well. I’m finding myself leading better staff meetings, asking better questions and being more comfortable asking what people think. I’ve let go of the belief that I’m supposed to have the answers and in a weird way the answers are actually coming quicker because the right people are giving them.
I’m not sure what this all means but I’m pretty sure I could find some great supportive theological quotes from people way smarter than me that would bolster my thoughts. However that would just perpetuate the problem. I don’t read a lot of theologians. I don’t really quote many of them in my normal life so just putting their thoughts here would be part of my false life.
So if you are looking to follow a leader who has it all figured out and has his 5 points to success memorized and the perfect plan to get there I would just ask you to go find another blog and someone else to follow.
I’m just going to continue to wrestle with my thoughts here and if you want to wrestle with me throw up a comment and we can chat. Let’s allow this to be a place where we admit more often than not we don’t have perfect plans or ideas and we don’t know what to do. I’d be very happy if we could do this together because I think that the world is tired of Christian Leaders who think they know everything and have it all figured out.
On another note I was looking for an image to put up with this blog and I just learned that “faking it” is the wrong thing to google.
Archive - February, 2011
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the regional difference of youth ministry. I’m sure most of us would agree that they are significant but I’m not sure if we have done a very good job of talking about them in YM publications. When I was a Youth Pastor in San Diego we had a weekly summer ministry event we called T2T12 (Tower 2 Tuesdays at 12) which was probably the easiest event ever to run. We would just have students show up at a lifeguard tower at the beach once a week. They would bring surfboards, spearguns, volleyballs, etc and we would just spend the afternoon hanging out. At some point we’d walk up and get a burrito from Roberto’s and then back to the beach. A lot of great youth ministry happened around fire pits in the evening where someone would lead some music and then we’d share a biblical truth.
I would call that ministry pretty organic. It was a part of the dominant beach culture of San Diego. We just found something that “fit” with what students were already doing and used that as a model for our ministry.
Now I live in Texas. I’m hours away from any beach and days from any good beach. Students don’t “hang out” in the same way that they do in San Diego. Ministry is different here in Texas but we still have great fun stuff. We “do” a lot of stuff here and focus a lot of retreats, camps and big missions trips. I’ve probably been on charter busses more here than any other season in my life. One ministry thing that seemed to work here in Texas for along time was the 5th quarter idea where after a football game students would come to the youth room for an event. Since most students in Texas attend their schools Friday night football game it’s something that just works.
I’m wondering if we shouldn’t be talking about regional differences more. I’d love to hear from some of you about things that you perceive as being different in the areas you live in and how maybe trying to do something in one area might fail in another.
When I was in college there was always that guy on our dorm floor who had a girlfriend back home. He would leave every Friday and come back late on Sunday nights. We would always joke that we would never really get to know him until he broke up with his girlfriend. Invariably that would eventually happen and he would tell us how much he missed out on by going home so much.
Flash forward to 2011. We now have a similar situation happening on college campuses every day. Many of the students who graduate from our youth ministries “leave” for college but never really leave their high school friends and life behind. It’s possible now to stay totally connected to all your old friends and not feel much pressure to make any new ones when you go away.
There is a part of this that is a great thing. In the last few years I’ve reconnected with many of my high school and college friendships via facebook and even this blog. But, there’s a huge problem to it also. We feel so “close” to people that we can start to rely on those again as our primary relationships.
Here’s the best way I know how to illustrate why this is a problem. Some friends moved from here in Dallas to the West Coast. While the wife was pregnant and pretty sick she stayed very connected to all of her friends in Dallas via facebook and cell phones. They were her support group. But, then the baby was born with serious complications and they quickly realized that not building any relationships on the westcoast had really hurt them because they had no physical help.
“I’m so digitally close to you” is something that our students are dealing with more and more every year as they continue to find new ways of connecting. It is a great thing but unless we address the potential problems with it we will graduate students who have no concept of why they need new friends, how to build them or why they should value community.
Think about how that might apply to their Christian Community also. Many of our churches now stream our worship services. Students could just lie in bed and watch their home church. They could also reach out to you as their youth pastor when they need help. In a certain way we are enabling them to take the easy way out with their faith.
So what do we need to do.
1. Address the issue. Talk to them about why old friends are great but proximity and digital are two different things.
2. Help connect them to a church. One great thing about having so many ways of communicating with them when they are gone is that you have different channels of pestering them. :)
3. Teach them the difference between Primary relationships and digital relationships. Both have value but they need community where they live.
One other thing to point out is that many of our students value their online relationships as highly as offline ones. Don’t forget that the world has changed. Don’t try to teach them by saying online relationships are bad. Affirm both but use examples of why local community is so important.
Regional Youth Ministry Differences?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the regional difference of youth ministry. I’m sure most of us would agree that they are significant but I’m not sure if we have done a very good job of talking about them in YM publications. When I was a Youth Pastor in San Diego we had a weekly summer ministry event we called T2T12 (Tower 2 Tuesdays at 12) which was probably the easiest event ever to run. We would just have students show up at a lifeguard tower at the beach once a week. They would bring surfboards, spearguns, volleyballs, etc and we would just spend the afternoon hanging out. At some point we’d walk up and get a burrito from Roberto’s and then back to the beach. A lot of great youth ministry happened around fire pits in the evening where someone would lead some music and then we’d share a biblical truth.
I would call that ministry pretty organic. It was a part of the dominant beach culture of San Diego. We just found something that “fit” with what students were already doing and used that as a model for our ministry.
Now I live in Texas. I’m hours away from any beach and days from any good beach. Students don’t “hang out” in the same way that they do in San Diego. Ministry is different here in Texas but we still have great fun stuff. We “do” a lot of stuff here and focus a lot of retreats, camps and big missions trips. I’ve probably been on charter busses more here than any other season in my life. One ministry thing that seemed to work here in Texas for along time was the 5th quarter idea where after a football game students would come to the youth room for an event. Since most students in Texas attend their schools Friday night football game it’s something that just works.
I’m wondering if we shouldn’t be talking about regional differences more. I’d love to hear from some of you about things that you perceive as being different in the areas you live in and how maybe trying to do something in one area might fail in another. YS Palooza Dallas March 25-26
It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of Youth Specialties. I have been going to the National Youth Workers Convention and taking all my teams of staff and volunteers for the last 15 years. A couple years ago I started working with them first as a Ministry Consultant and then last year I taught 3 seminars. Just over a week ago I spent 25 hours in San Diego with Marko, Tic, Adam, Christina, Iian, Matlock, Shelly, Phil, Gabe, Eric, Marv and a few more. Our goal was brainstorming, dreaming and planning for the 2011 Conventions. I’m pretty convinced we came up with some amazing stuff and I’m looking forward to sharing it soon.
But we don’t have to wait to the fall to be together. This year YS came up with a new ministry event giving us the opportunity to bring our whole teams, volunteers and even parents. The YSPalooza events are aimed at providing great and cheap training for everyone. YS is doing 3 regional events this winter/spring and have seen amazing things happen already.
I’ve already told my team we are going. I’ve reached out to all our volunteers and invited them and are encouraging parents to join us. For me the most important part of this event is the shared language that we will learn. Now when parents/volunteers hear me say something about why we are doing things in particular ways they may actually fully understand the reasons because they’ve heard much of the research and the models from the experts.
So my team is going to the Dallas event March 25-26. I invite you to come and join us. We’re a ton of fun and we’d love to see you.
Check out this video by my friend Tic. It’ll show you what the event is all about.
One Reason I love Youth Ministry: Junior High Retreat
Just got back from our Junior High Polar Bear retreat. Some of my favorite Youth Workers in the world were there this weekend. There were also a ton of amazing volunteers and even more High School Students than adults helping pull the whole thing off. My family came out today and had a blast being a part of the crud war and then jumping in the lake.
Every year the epic part of the day is after the crud war when 140+ people plunge into the Lake. It’s sort of a tradition that the person leading the charge has to make it as Epic as possible. This year Jon Wasson led the way. Jon is an amazing youth worker and a brilliant young theologian. I’m blessed to have him on my team. What I love about Jon is that while he is passionate about theology and can expound on deep truths like few people I know he also is incredible at working with Junior High Students.
Here’s a video of that moment. Hope he inspires you to jump up off your couch and head for a lake somewhere.
I’m so Digitally Close to you
When I was in college there was always that guy on our dorm floor who had a girlfriend back home. He would leave every Friday and come back late on Sunday nights. We would always joke that we would never really get to know him until he broke up with his girlfriend. Invariably that would eventually happen and he would tell us how much he missed out on by going home so much.
Flash forward to 2011. We now have a similar situation happening on college campuses every day. Many of the students who graduate from our youth ministries “leave” for college but never really leave their high school friends and life behind. It’s possible now to stay totally connected to all your old friends and not feel much pressure to make any new ones when you go away.
There is a part of this that is a great thing. In the last few years I’ve reconnected with many of my high school and college friendships via facebook and even this blog. But, there’s a huge problem to it also. We feel so “close” to people that we can start to rely on those again as our primary relationships.
Here’s the best way I know how to illustrate why this is a problem. Some friends moved from here in Dallas to the West Coast. While the wife was pregnant and pretty sick she stayed very connected to all of her friends in Dallas via facebook and cell phones. They were her support group. But, then the baby was born with serious complications and they quickly realized that not building any relationships on the westcoast had really hurt them because they had no physical help.
“I’m so digitally close to you” is something that our students are dealing with more and more every year as they continue to find new ways of connecting. It is a great thing but unless we address the potential problems with it we will graduate students who have no concept of why they need new friends, how to build them or why they should value community.
Think about how that might apply to their Christian Community also. Many of our churches now stream our worship services. Students could just lie in bed and watch their home church. They could also reach out to you as their youth pastor when they need help. In a certain way we are enabling them to take the easy way out with their faith.
So what do we need to do.
1. Address the issue. Talk to them about why old friends are great but proximity and digital are two different things.
2. Help connect them to a church. One great thing about having so many ways of communicating with them when they are gone is that you have different channels of pestering them. :)
3. Teach them the difference between Primary relationships and digital relationships. Both have value but they need community where they live.
One other thing to point out is that many of our students value their online relationships as highly as offline ones. Don’t forget that the world has changed. Don’t try to teach them by saying online relationships are bad. Affirm both but use examples of why local community is so important. Struggling with understanding how grace works
I had a great conversation with a close friend tonight via text message. (Yes I still call those conversations) we were talking about how he is frustrated because there are some people in his church past who are being judgmental about choices he's making in his life now. His response to me was that when people go into that mode he just "cuts them out" of his life because it's not worth it. As the conversation continued I challenged him to think about how he needs to be gracious to them. At the time when I wrote that he needed to "show grace" it sounded like a pretty good thing for me to say. But, all night long I've been thinking about it more and more and wonder really if that was good advice.
As we continued talking I asked him if he'd cut me out if I started to question him and to confront him on issues. He said no because I'd "earned" the right to be honest and straightforward with him because he knows I love him. Does that mean I've "earned" grace from him when I say tough things?
I'm wrestling with this as I question how "conditional" my grace is. I want to be a part of a Christian life that tells people that no matter where they are at I will accept them and love them. But, I also want to make sure that they know I hold to some Biblical principles that I think we are told to follow.
I truly believe what Paul writes in Romans 8:38-39 that "nothing" can separate us from God's Love. I also desire to model that with my friend with my own love.
I think a lot about teenagers and their often crazy lives. I want students that I work with to always know that the grace we show them is fully unconditional. That we will not love more if they reach our "standards" of living.
This whole thing has gotten me a little frustrated because I do fully love and support my friend. He's hurt and frustrated and feels like he has the right to cut these people out. But, I think that grace goes both ways. He has to figure out how to give it to those who are hurting him even if they are choosing to withhold it.
I just wish that I could model this better. I'm also wishing our churches knew how to love people where they are first.
Finding my voice
This weekend someone mentioned to me that they struggled to fully grasp who I was when reading my blog. He said to me that in person I come across pretty well and not as much on the blog. I was really glad he told me that and I tried to explain my blog. I told him that the goal of my blog is to talk about things I'm wrestling with and to always point the fingers at myself first when I talk about any tough issues. The only way I know how to teach is to first talk about how I wrestle with things and then use that to share the message. I hope I never come across as arrogant or a know it all. I want to completely admit here that I don't have much figured out. God has given me some gifts and I'm so grateful for them but I don't think that there are any particular gifts that are highlighted above any others. We all need each other to move ahead.
