Youth Ministry: How do you minister to parents when you don’t have kids?

I had some good interaction with people after my last post who asked the question about how to minister to parents as a youth worker when you don't have kids.  I think that's a great question because the reality is many youth workers don't.  I started in youth ministry before I had kids and before I was married.  It was a fun season. I had very little things I was responsible for in my life. I had lot's of free time, could make quick decisions and felt like I was super relevant. 

I hope no one ever hears me talk about youth ministry and gets the impression that I think married people with kids are the best youth workers.  I actually believe that there isn't any particular group of people that is more suited in any way for ministry.  God uses us all. I can speak into the lives of students and families in a way that some of my younger single childless staff can't.  But, those staff also can do ministry in a way that I will never be able to and it's so fun for me to watch.  What's amazing is when we partner together.  I'm so committed to intergenerational ministry that I have to believe that the church needs all ages to work/partner together and to believe that we all have much to offer.  

Here's a few thoughts about being a childless or single youth worker:

1. Spend time getting to know parents-  When I started in ministry I failed at this. I spent a lot of time with kids but I was really awkward around parents.   It hurt my ministry because parents felt like I didn't care about partnering with them.  We didn't know each other well and because of it I lost out on getting to know some really great people.  I could have been a lot more effective if I'd spent more time interacting with parents and had them see my heart and learn to trust me. 

2. Ask lot's of questions-  One thing I was insecure about when I was younger and single was telling people I didn't know the answer.  You know what most parents are pretty knowledgable about?  They know how to parent.  They like it when we ask them questions and advice. It shows them that we want to partner with them and that we care what they think.  You will be surprised at how many things parents can help you with if you take the time to ask questions.  They have resources and ideas that you've never even thought about. 

3. Be the expert in what you are an expert in-  Don't try to teach a parenting class.   You may have gone to seminary and taken a whole bunch of classes or read a ton of books. But, most parents will pigeon hole you into a specific role and it's hard to break free from that.  But, you can do well if you focus on the things you are good at.  If you are a knowledgable about worship music then talk about that. You have a computer background talk computers. If you understand teenagers then talk teenagers.  And……importantly……..recognize others are experts too.  Get the experts involved.  I'm 40, have 3 kids and have been married 13 years but even I don't teach parenting classes. I have a therapist, counselor  who does a ton of that for  me.  But you know what he does real well. He'll stop in the middle of a lecture and ask me what I think.  Get others involved and have them do the same thing for you.  It really works.  

4. Provide resources to parents. Read and study with them-  One thing I've done that works well is to read a parenting book with parents.  Allow someone else to be the expert and let you and the parents learn together.  That takes the pressure off you to feel like you somehow have to teach this group of parents and allows you to lead the ministry while referring to others to help resource.  Same thing goes with bringing in guests to share.  You be the resource finder don't feel like you have to do it all alone. 

5. Find others who can help you-  Here's an idea.  Find an older couple in your congregation who can speak about parenting and marriage and set up a night where you have something for the students and then you sit in on the marriage/parenting talk with the parents.   Yes you could go hang out with the students but the point here is that you are engaging parents.  You just being there in the room might feel weird for you but it will help your parent relationships.

6. Remember what you have in common is that all parents used to not have kids.  Start there-  I thought of this right as I was finishing this post and I'm adding it because I think it's good.  You do have something in common with all parents and you should use that to interact with them.  Most of everything you've ever done they have also done.  You can you that to start the foundation of connection with them.  Most parents like to talk about their past and they might actually be willing to open up which will give you some good insight and ideas about what they care about and how to minister to them and with them. 

There's a lot more to this that could be added. Maybe that will happen in the comments or someone will see this post and add to it.  I don't believe I'm the expert in this I've just got a few thoughts. 

I should add that the picture above is from someone I don't know but found on the web.  I'm not sure if he has kids but he is married.  Click his picture to find his church and read his bio here. I was looking for a picture of a younger youth pastor and I found Neil.  From what I can tell he's doing a great job and matches my description of a younger youth worker for whom a post like this might help. 

Neil  Young – Youth Pastor

Neil has been the Youth Pastor of the Causeway Coast Vineyard Church since August 07 and with his wife, Janet, are responsible for Destination: Home, the church's youth movement. Together they have a passion to provide an opportunity for all young people in this community to further their journey towards God and love to dream up new ways to make it happen! They have a heart to be at the heart of the youth community. They are also self confessed 24, Neighbours and West Wing fans! Neil also loves football a lot and his supportive wife now enjoys the occasional game also!