I feel so Orange when I write this but I 100% believe it's true. A few months back I was featured on a video done by Barefoot where I basically said that the biggest challenge facing youth ministry today is our need to do more ministry to parents because many of our students are coming from homes where parents are just as needy of the gospel as their kids.
I sat and stared at that last sentence for a while contemplating if I should rewrite it but ultimately decided to leave it alone. In case you read this and don't know me well I should probably state that I have 3 kids and one of them is going to be in my youth ministry next fall. I should also let you know that I'm terrified for it to happen.
After 20 years of being involved in Youth Ministry I can say without a doubt that I believe parents need Youth Ministers just as much as their kids do. It's different for sure but it's still reality. Even as a pastor and a pretty strong believer I am 100% aware that I am in desperate need of the Youth Ministry at my church to help me with my kids. I do believe that Danielle and I are responsible for the Spiritual nurturing of our kids but I also believe we can't do it alone. I know that I'm going to need encouragement all the way through this adolescent thing.
So what is our role as youth ministers who care about families?
1. We Communicate with Parents. That means we need to always make sure parents know we are on their side. It means we consistently communicate with them and let them know what's going on in the lives of their kids. We call them, e-mail them and are involved in the life of the "Family" and not just the student. Parents need us to do this so that they have the right info and know what's going on in the life of their kids.
2. We Empower Parents. This means we need to make sure our youth ministry is providing training opportunities for parents. The truth is not all youth ministers are able to do this training. At my own church I don't even do it. I have an amazing Therapist/Counselor named Rhett Smith who does all the parenting courses. I sit in on every one and interact but I rely on him to be the guru to help parents be empowered. If you don't follow Rhett you should. He's one of the best resources to Youth Ministry that I know. Parents need us to train them. I say all the time that my parenting style is "Scrambling and praying" because nothing that comes up have I ever dealt with before. I love that the youth ministry at my church trains me.
3. We Partner with Parents. What this means is that we believe our job is to come along side of what the parents are doing and to support and help them. It means we are not the superstars or the saviors of kids. I believer our goal/role in youth ministry is to help parents raise their kids to be strong believers. We partner with parents by asking them what they need and providing opportunities that they are supportive of. At my church we have youth committees staffed by parents and we ask them what they think about things before we do them. I'll admit this isn't always easy and I fail at it sometimes but when I do it right parents know that what we are doing is supporting them. We also come along side parents who don't have strong faiths and we minister to them as well as their kids. I love to see all the parents sitting in the back of our rooms on Sunday mornings learning as much or more than their students.
4. We Encourage Parents. This is an area that I think we do well sometimes and I wish we did better in all the time. I love it when I have the opportunity to tell a parent how amazing their kids are or how much I think they are doing a great job raising them. There are so many families that I have seen over my years in Youth Ministry that I wish I could emulate. If you last name is Moon, Collier, Neely, Apfel, Lee, Bell or Pennington please know that I have seen so many amazing things in your families and I only hope that I can do what you are doing. Parents you need to be encouraged because what you are doing in raising your kids is hard and amazing.
5. We Invite Parents. One thing I'm particularly proud of my church is that we are moving in the direction of inviting parents on everything we do. This has always been the case in our younger ministries but is starting to be the case more in our Junior and Senior high Ministry. Just tonight I ran into a dad at the grocery story and we talked about a trip next summer that his whole family is coming on and I'm so excited for it. There is nothing we do that we wouldn't welcome parents to be actively involved.
I'm a parent so it's easier for me to minister to parents than a 22 year old youth workers without kids but I think all youth workers have something to offer. Today I spent a lot of time with the leader of our 6th grade class. He's pretty much the expert of that grade of students and he's in his early 20's. Parents need him because he has a unique role in the life of that class of students and can speak truth to them that can reinforce what the parents believe. In our neighborhood and at the middle school I would say he's pretty much a "key" person in the lives of 100's of students. He can also be a key conduit to parents to tell them when they are blowing it.
Research by the Fuller Youth Institute has proved that students need a variety of adults in their lives and faith journeys. It's my belief that many of us in youth ministry are uniquely called to enter into this world of parenting and model how a proper partnership can work that will help ensure that students and parents are ministered to.
So Parents. Hear me when I say this. We want to Minister to you and to empower you. We don't believe we have all the answers but we do think that with you we can figure them out. Thank you for loving your kids and allowing us to partner with you in that.
Love this post bro……something I need to do a lot better at myself.
That’s one of the things that I love about going to kids’ sporting events and activities….sure I’m there to support the student, etc., but it’s one of the best times I have of just sitting in the stands with parents, asking questions, hearing what’s going on in their lives, etc….
Agree. Seeing more and more need to empower fathers to be fathers instead of sugar daddy’s.
Adam- exactly. I love the parenting side of our ministry. Just tonight I ran into a dad at the grocery store who I know is planning on coming to Israel with his whole family next summer but hes got some concerns. What I did was to connect him with another parent whos already coming. They can minister to each other. Its not easy but it pays off so much.
Lars Rood \\ Working to figure it all out
web: My Blog \\ Stream Youth \\ twitter \\ facebook \\
Paul- exactly. Sugar Daddies are not needed. Dads are. But, we need to provide men with the right model of what it means to be a dad.
Great post, I agree with you, just got done studying the Orange Curriculum by Reggie Joiner with our Children’s Minister. When we can empower parents they can take us to the next level.
Good stuff Lars!
My staff and I have been brainstorming this a lot lately. “How can we better minister to the parents so that they can minister to their students.”
great post! it was very orange but great encouragement for us to examine how we can be more effective in reaching students and their families for Christ. Empowering Parents is a great challenge and you had some great suggestions/ideas. Thanks!
Thanks Tom- Its all about partnering. Im an advocate for figuring this stuff all out.
With the caveat that you’re primarily reaching and discipling church kids (and their peers) than I think this is a big important concept to embrace.
And yet Jesus didn’t come to seek and save the found.
The more I work with the church I’m a part of, the more I like that we intentionally don’t minister much to our church kids (who, at least on a cursory level, are “found.”) and focus our limited attention and resources on students who would never get connected with a church, and the more I think ministering to Christian parents and students are the sucker pin of youth ministry.
Do we stop ministering to Christian parents? Absolutely not. I think we equip them to minister to their teens with the intent of getting them on our team and out of our face so we can focus more attention on the other 90% in our community with no connection to a church.
Heres a quick response. When I say minister to parents Im actually thinking beyond their kids into their workplaces and daily lives. Sounds Luke a follow up post. I think that in the church we may have a captive audience (parents) that we can reach and get them to help change the world. Will be blogging tonight
Typed with my thumbs. Typos guaranteed.
Definitely! I’m so excited about this next year for us. We’ll be intentionally helping parents disciple their own kids, which is the way it should be.
Adam McLane: I agree with you to a point, but here’s the reality: not every student that has grown up in our churches are “found.” Our goal is to help parents bring their kids to Christ in the context of their family. Obviously, this is the ideal, but it doesn’t usually happen that way, which is why we also do everything we can to reach the other 90%, as you say.
Benger- Great point. We have lost students in churches all over the US. It is a seldom reached group because we tend to feel ok if we know they are at a church service even if they are not connecting to other students. And…..how many elders/leaders/pastors kids do you know that have major issues? Lots