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Archive - January, 2011

Ordination Exams are supposed to be hard

January 31, 2011 in Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Who I am... with 2 Comments

I know some of you have wondered why I haven't been posting here much recently. It's because I am in the midst of some pretty tough Presbyterian ordination exams. There are 5 exams we have to take in order to be ordained in the PCUSA. Bible Content, Polity, Worship and Sacraments, Theology and Exegetical Methods. Some of them are pretty tough and some just require me to have a lot of stuff memorized. I am finishing up my final exam which is the exegetical paper right now and will be turning it in Thursday morning by 9am.

I'm a fan of the hoops the PCUSA makes me go through. I was glad the exams were tough. I was prepared for them and think I've done well so far but if I don't pass one of them I'm ok with that. It'll just give me some more time to focus on particular areas of study.

But, it would be nice to get them done on the first try too.

I'll find out by March 22 how I did. But, I have about 48 hours to crank out a pretty detailed paper.

Bye

NYWCruise 2011

January 25, 2011 in Uncategorized with Comments Off

This is the year #2 of this event. I didn’t end up going last year but some friends did and they had a great time. Every once in a while I come up with good ideas. This year the NYWC event is 1 day shorter than in the past. I think you should go on a cruise afterward. I’ve got a plan for you. . I’m speaking at the National Youth Workers Convention in San Diego Sept 29-Oct 2. It’s a great Youth Ministry training event put on by Youth Specialties. But, I usually go home pretty tired after the trip. I don’t sleep enough because I’m running around trying to get to interact with as many people as possible for 4 days. I also never have time to process the things I’ve learned as I usually head home and have youth group or meetings right afterward.

So this year I have a new plan. I’m putting together a group of people to follow up the convention with a 4 night cruise to Catalina and Ensenada. My goal is to provide a place for couples or single folks to just have a few days to relax after the convention before they go back to their churches. What it would look like is you would basically take one week off of work but have two very distinctly different experiences.

I’ve been dreaming of doing something like this for years but I thought it was probably too expensive. But I just checked rates and that cruise right now is only about $329 per person.

I’ve been involved in Youth Ministry for a while and I’ve got a bunch of friends who have too. Imagine what it would be like if we all had 4 days of ongoing interactions to dream and scheme about our ministries and the future.

Here’s the link. Think about joining Danielle and I and some great friends.

Surrounding yourself with great people

January 25, 2011 in Who I am..., Youth Ministry with 0 Comments

This is a short post but one that I think is applicable to anyone in Youth Ministry. I was reflecting this morning at how blessed I am with the amazing team that I get to work with. God has always been faithful and has brought amazing people into my life and I am so grateful that in my weakness God is strong. One thing that I've had to constantly admit over the years in youth ministry is that I really can't do it alone. My weaknesses seem to become more and more apparent every day. But, the people that I have been blessed to hire and surround myself with totally make up for my weak areas. And what's great too is my strengths overshadow some of their weaknesses.

If you are a solo youth pastor or don't have a lot of people around you this principle still applies. Unless you are at a church where you are the only member there are people around you who have different gifts and skills. A big part of your job in youth ministry is to help show people how their gifts can be used to serve.

So get to it. Surround yourself with great people. You might be pleasantly surprised at how great they make you look.

I have great hope in teenagers.

January 20, 2011 in Who I am..., Youth Ministry with 0 Comments

A little while back I was at a local neighborhood restaurant called Burgerhouse. My son was celebrating his birthday and was sitting around an outdoor table with 7 other 4th grade boys. Right next to them was a table of about the same number of what I guessed were 12th grade boys.

I was observing both groups as I sat at my table. There were a lot of similarities. They ate the same with elbows on the table just shoving food in their mouths like it would disappear if they didn't. They also were all laughing a lot and the jokes seemed to be fairly lighthearted and pointed at each other. Both tables looked like they were having a great time. They all seemed pretty comfortable where they were and seemed to just "fit" at that place and with each other.

As I sat there I thought about the roughly 8 years that separated those two groups. I wondered what had taken place in those years that had drawn those 12th grade boys together. I thought about all the experiences they must have gone through? The things that had shaped them. I wondered what difficulties they had dealt with? What were their families like and what adults had poured into their lives? As a youth pastor I thought about their faith and what they were living for?

I found myself sitting there eating pepper fries and praying for both groups. For the younger boys I prayed that they would have people like those seniors pour into them and care for them. I prayed that they would stay connected to each other and be secure in who they were so they wouldn't feel the need to tear others down to feel better. For the older boys I prayed for their future and the decisions that they were having to make. I prayed that their past wouldn't negatively shape them or affect them in a way that made life difficult. I thought about their future need for community and friendship and wondered if those burgers and that table might not be a pretty special memory for them many years from then.

Since that dinner I've been thinking a lot about my son and the next 8 years of his life. I am really excited for these years. Sure I'm a bit terrified too but I think that goes with being a parent. I've already seen some great gifts in my son. I think he's got an amazing heart. He is concerned about others. He wants to do what's right and he is a great friend. I'm praying for friends that he'll always have and I think about all the other adults and youth leaders that will impact him.

I have great hope in teenagers. I don't think I would have lasted in Youth Ministry 20 years if I didn't. I look at tables of boys and groups of girls and just wonder what it is God is going to do with them. I think that teenagers need to know that we believe in them and think that they are amazing. They've got enough stress in their lives and they don't need more in the Church. Love them where they are at. Love them for who they are. Love them for what they do. Don't hold out love or hope for only when they meet some subjective criteria that you have for finally believing in them.

This is a blog where I point fingers at myself. I'm doing that now and reminding myself that if I say I have hope in them that I have to act like I do. I don't always know what this means but I think if I have hope and belief that they are amazing that is the right place to start.

My great hope is teenagers.

Is it really a sin to bore a student with the Gospel?

January 18, 2011 in Jesus, Youth Ministry with 11 Comments

I'll probably take some flack for this post but I'm ok with that. Today I was on a long drive and I'm not sure why but the often quoted thought "It's a sin to bore a student with the gospel" came across my brain. As I was driving I started to think about this concept and what it has done to youth ministry.

I want to fully declare this idea 100% unbiblical and false.

Unfortunately though many churches, camps and parachurch groups have grabbed this thought and have made it the focus of their programs. So much energy, money, talent and thought has gone into creating "programs" that don't bore students.

But is the responsibility really on us for students not to be bored? As usual in my posts I want to point the finger at myself more than others. I grew up in youth ministries that had very little resources but I don't ever remember being bored. The responsibility to not be bored with Church and the Gospel wasn't put on my youth pastor. It was put on my shoulders. They gave me every opportunity to live an exciting life following Jesus but I often didn't take it.

This idea about boredom has created youth ministries that are all about excitement and hyped programs. Those who have bought into it (and I did for a long time) believe that if kids don't go home so "stoked" about Jesus (which we mean our program) that we have done something wrong.

I tend to always try to go back to Jesus times and the early church and see what was going on. It certainly wasn't boring. Following Jesus was tough. There were so many things happening all the time and the followers of Jesus didn't always understand what he was doing and they took a lot of heat for it.

In our Youth Ministries many of us have taken on a role where we feel responsible to make the Gospel "attractive" and "exciting" for students. I don't think what we're presenting though is the real Gospel. Following Jesus isn't always exciting. Often it is incredibly difficult. It's tedious and messes up our worldly plans. It can be difficult to think about the Death and Resurrection and how we have to live our lives in a new way when we accept what Jesus did for us and ask for forgiveness for our sins.

I don't want students to be bored. I also don't want the Gospel to be boring. But, I don't feel like it's my responsibility for changing it to making it more exciting for students.

Hear me when I say this. If you are bored with the Gospel or the Gospel is boring you then maybe the responsibility lies on you to change. I can only present it one way because there is only one Gospel. If you are truly living a life where you are following Jesus then you won't be bored.

Youth Ministry: How do you minister to parents when you don’t have kids?

January 13, 2011 in Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Parents, Youth Ministry with 6 Comments

I had some good interaction with people after my last post who asked the question about how to minister to parents as a youth worker when you don't have kids. I think that's a great question because the reality is many youth workers don't. I started in youth ministry before I had kids and before I was married. It was a fun season. I had very little things I was responsible for in my life. I had lot's of free time, could make quick decisions and felt like I was super relevant.

I hope no one ever hears me talk about youth ministry and gets the impression that I think married people with kids are the best youth workers. I actually believe that there isn't any particular group of people that is more suited in any way for ministry. God uses us all. I can speak into the lives of students and families in a way that some of my younger single childless staff can't. But, those staff also can do ministry in a way that I will never be able to and it's so fun for me to watch. What's amazing is when we partner together. I'm so committed to intergenerational ministry that I have to believe that the church needs all ages to work/partner together and to believe that we all have much to offer.

Here's a few thoughts about being a childless or single youth worker:

1. Spend time getting to know parents- When I started in ministry I failed at this. I spent a lot of time with kids but I was really awkward around parents. It hurt my ministry because parents felt like I didn't care about partnering with them. We didn't know each other well and because of it I lost out on getting to know some really great people. I could have been a lot more effective if I'd spent more time interacting with parents and had them see my heart and learn to trust me.

2. Ask lot's of questions- One thing I was insecure about when I was younger and single was telling people I didn't know the answer. You know what most parents are pretty knowledgable about? They know how to parent. They like it when we ask them questions and advice. It shows them that we want to partner with them and that we care what they think. You will be surprised at how many things parents can help you with if you take the time to ask questions. They have resources and ideas that you've never even thought about.

3. Be the expert in what you are an expert in- Don't try to teach a parenting class. You may have gone to seminary and taken a whole bunch of classes or read a ton of books. But, most parents will pigeon hole you into a specific role and it's hard to break free from that. But, you can do well if you focus on the things you are good at. If you are a knowledgable about worship music then talk about that. You have a computer background talk computers. If you understand teenagers then talk teenagers. And……importantly……..recognize others are experts too. Get the experts involved. I'm 40, have 3 kids and have been married 13 years but even I don't teach parenting classes. I have a therapist, counselor who does a ton of that for me. But you know what he does real well. He'll stop in the middle of a lecture and ask me what I think. Get others involved and have them do the same thing for you. It really works.

4. Provide resources to parents. Read and study with them- One thing I've done that works well is to read a parenting book with parents. Allow someone else to be the expert and let you and the parents learn together. That takes the pressure off you to feel like you somehow have to teach this group of parents and allows you to lead the ministry while referring to others to help resource. Same thing goes with bringing in guests to share. You be the resource finder don't feel like you have to do it all alone.

5. Find others who can help you- Here's an idea. Find an older couple in your congregation who can speak about parenting and marriage and set up a night where you have something for the students and then you sit in on the marriage/parenting talk with the parents. Yes you could go hang out with the students but the point here is that you are engaging parents. You just being there in the room might feel weird for you but it will help your parent relationships.

6. Remember what you have in common is that all parents used to not have kids. Start there- I thought of this right as I was finishing this post and I'm adding it because I think it's good. You do have something in common with all parents and you should use that to interact with them. Most of everything you've ever done they have also done. You can you that to start the foundation of connection with them. Most parents like to talk about their past and they might actually be willing to open up which will give you some good insight and ideas about what they care about and how to minister to them and with them.

There's a lot more to this that could be added. Maybe that will happen in the comments or someone will see this post and add to it. I don't believe I'm the expert in this I've just got a few thoughts.

I should add that the picture above is from someone I don't know but found on the web. I'm not sure if he has kids but he is married. Click his picture to find his church and read his bio here. I was looking for a picture of a younger youth pastor and I found Neil. From what I can tell he's doing a great job and matches my description of a younger youth worker for whom a post like this might help.

Neil Young – Youth Pastor

Neil has been the Youth Pastor of the Causeway Coast Vineyard Church since August 07 and with his wife, Janet, are responsible for Destination: Home, the church's youth movement. Together they have a passion to provide an opportunity for all young people in this community to further their journey towards God and love to dream up new ways to make it happen! They have a heart to be at the heart of the youth community. They are also self confessed 24, Neighbours and West Wing fans! Neil also loves football a lot and his supportive wife now enjoys the occasional game also!

The next big Youth Ministry Revolution is Ministering to Parents

January 10, 2011 in Church, Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Youth Ministry with 12 Comments

I feel so Orange when I write this but I 100% believe it's true. A few months back I was featured on a video done by Barefoot where I basically said that the biggest challenge facing youth ministry today is our need to do more ministry to parents because many of our students are coming from homes where parents are just as needy of the gospel as their kids.

I sat and stared at that last sentence for a while contemplating if I should rewrite it but ultimately decided to leave it alone. In case you read this and don't know me well I should probably state that I have 3 kids and one of them is going to be in my youth ministry next fall. I should also let you know that I'm terrified for it to happen.

After 20 years of being involved in Youth Ministry I can say without a doubt that I believe parents need Youth Ministers just as much as their kids do. It's different for sure but it's still reality. Even as a pastor and a pretty strong believer I am 100% aware that I am in desperate need of the Youth Ministry at my church to help me with my kids. I do believe that Danielle and I are responsible for the Spiritual nurturing of our kids but I also believe we can't do it alone. I know that I'm going to need encouragement all the way through this adolescent thing.

So what is our role as youth ministers who care about families?

1. We Communicate with Parents. That means we need to always make sure parents know we are on their side. It means we consistently communicate with them and let them know what's going on in the lives of their kids. We call them, e-mail them and are involved in the life of the "Family" and not just the student. Parents need us to do this so that they have the right info and know what's going on in the life of their kids.

2. We Empower Parents. This means we need to make sure our youth ministry is providing training opportunities for parents. The truth is not all youth ministers are able to do this training. At my own church I don't even do it. I have an amazing Therapist/Counselor named Rhett Smith who does all the parenting courses. I sit in on every one and interact but I rely on him to be the guru to help parents be empowered. If you don't follow Rhett you should. He's one of the best resources to Youth Ministry that I know. Parents need us to train them. I say all the time that my parenting style is "Scrambling and praying" because nothing that comes up have I ever dealt with before. I love that the youth ministry at my church trains me.

3. We Partner with Parents. What this means is that we believe our job is to come along side of what the parents are doing and to support and help them. It means we are not the superstars or the saviors of kids. I believer our goal/role in youth ministry is to help parents raise their kids to be strong believers. We partner with parents by asking them what they need and providing opportunities that they are supportive of. At my church we have youth committees staffed by parents and we ask them what they think about things before we do them. I'll admit this isn't always easy and I fail at it sometimes but when I do it right parents know that what we are doing is supporting them. We also come along side parents who don't have strong faiths and we minister to them as well as their kids. I love to see all the parents sitting in the back of our rooms on Sunday mornings learning as much or more than their students.

4. We Encourage Parents. This is an area that I think we do well sometimes and I wish we did better in all the time. I love it when I have the opportunity to tell a parent how amazing their kids are or how much I think they are doing a great job raising them. There are so many families that I have seen over my years in Youth Ministry that I wish I could emulate. If you last name is Moon, Collier, Neely, Apfel, Lee, Bell or Pennington please know that I have seen so many amazing things in your families and I only hope that I can do what you are doing. Parents you need to be encouraged because what you are doing in raising your kids is hard and amazing.

5. We Invite Parents. One thing I'm particularly proud of my church is that we are moving in the direction of inviting parents on everything we do. This has always been the case in our younger ministries but is starting to be the case more in our Junior and Senior high Ministry. Just tonight I ran into a dad at the grocery story and we talked about a trip next summer that his whole family is coming on and I'm so excited for it. There is nothing we do that we wouldn't welcome parents to be actively involved.

I'm a parent so it's easier for me to minister to parents than a 22 year old youth workers without kids but I think all youth workers have something to offer. Today I spent a lot of time with the leader of our 6th grade class. He's pretty much the expert of that grade of students and he's in his early 20's. Parents need him because he has a unique role in the life of that class of students and can speak truth to them that can reinforce what the parents believe. In our neighborhood and at the middle school I would say he's pretty much a "key" person in the lives of 100's of students. He can also be a key conduit to parents to tell them when they are blowing it.

Research by the Fuller Youth Institute has proved that students need a variety of adults in their lives and faith journeys. It's my belief that many of us in youth ministry are uniquely called to enter into this world of parenting and model how a proper partnership can work that will help ensure that students and parents are ministered to.

So Parents. Hear me when I say this. We want to Minister to you and to empower you. We don't believe we have all the answers but we do think that with you we can figure them out. Thank you for loving your kids and allowing us to partner with you in that.

Immerse: A Journal of Faith, life and Youth Ministry

January 9, 2011 in Books, Teaching, Youth Ministry with 0 Comments

I don't do a whole lot in the way of reviewing resources on my blog. I'm not sure why but I just haven't. I've been sent a lot of books in the last year and read most of them but not told you what I think. I should probably do something on a regularly scheduled day each week where I let you know about things I think are great. I'll put that on my resolution list along with being involved in a Demolition Derby in 2011 (I'm serious)

Here's a short list of what I love about Immerse and why I think that you should subscribe.

1. I love the hearts of the people behind it. Mike King and Chris Folmsbee and their team are just good people.

2. The Theological Focus of the Journal fills a great nitch alongside other YM publications.

3. They are discovering new writers and giving them a voice to be heard.

4. They publish articles that make you think and make you re-read them and think some more.

5. They believe that the things that appear in print are worth doing and they implement them.

6. They are leading us in a necessary direction of Theological Reflection and Praxis

7. They are innovative and always trying new things like the Slant 33 dialogues.

8. Every 2 months you will have articles that will make you think and grow.

About a year ago I was approached by these guys and asked to be a part of the advisory board for the magazine. I don't get paid anything to be a part of this group and only do it because I believe in what they are doing. The Advisory board is made up of some pretty great folks that I love to interact with. I hope as a group that we are helping shape this resource in a way that reaches needs. Please let us know what you connect with and what misses the mark. That will help us shape future issues.

I'm hoping that I am always a learner. This magazine and these people help me to do that because they challenge me to actually think Theologically about all parts of what I do in the Youth Ministry world. That's not always my strong suit or my natural bent so it's good to be pushed.

If you are interested in subscribing to Immerse Journal just click the link here. It costs $39 per year for 6 issues. I think it's money well spent and would go a long ways to ensuring that you continue to grow. Please again hear me say that I don't get anything for this. I'm not selling Amway or getting any cut if you subscribe. I am only promoting this because I believe in it.

I’m a Youth Pastor Here’s What I did Wednesday Night.

January 6, 2011 in Highland Park Presbyterian Church, Youth Ministry with 4 Comments

Every once in a while I feel the need to get outside of the blogosphere and talk nuts and bolts Youth Ministry. On this blog I tend to ask a lot of questions and to take on some big topics in the Youth Ministry world. But, at my core I’m just a youth pastor. I love hanging out with students and they make me laugh.

So here’s what I did Wednesday night.

6-6:30pm. I hung out with 5th and 6th graders in our gym. They run around the gym for a while and then end up playing a big game of Dodgeball. I get in trouble with our 5th-6th leader almost every week because I have the tendency to want to hang out with the High School volunteers who are there and see how they are doing. But, I was determined to not get in trouble this week so I shot baskets and talked to kids. I love this group of kids because they are still so young and fun and there just isn’t a lot of drama. It’s amazing the difference in size between a 5th and 6th grader.

6:30-7:30pm I made it down to the youth room and had some really bad pizza with 7th and 8th graders. We’ve got a great bunch of adult volunteers there so I spent time catching up with them. Then we went outside and played glow in the dark ultimate frisbee. I was freezing. To be clear I didn’t really play I basically stood in the middle of the field and talked to a bunch of 7th and 8th graders. I was like a tree that they had to avoid as they played around me. I loved hanging out with those kids because they are the group I don’t get to spend very much time with. They are fun kids and really need leaders around to lead them. (That’s my way of saying they are a little bit nuts. Especially the 8th grade boys)

7:30-9pm Went and played Whirlyball with a bunch of 9th-10th graders. This was fun because it was totally unexpected. We had a ton more students show up than we had planned for and they needed me to drive. So I grabbed some kids and went and played for a few hours. These two grades of students are really fun to hang out with and there are some amazing adult and 12th grade volunteers. I’ve never played Whirlyball before so it was a pretty cool night. Drove a few boys home that I haven’t connected with in a while which was good.

Overall that’s the Wednesday Night of a Youth Pastor. About 3 hours of hanging out with 6 different grades of students doing a whole bunch of activities. Loved it.

Young Life and the Church

January 4, 2011 in Church, Youth Ministry with 14 Comments

A few weeks back my friend Nate wrote a series of blog articles about the relationship between Young Life and the church. At some point I started conceiving of a blog post that I felt needed to be written.

First some background. I didn’t grow up with Young Life. It didn’t exist in my town. A few friends in college were involved as leaders and a lot of people I knew were pretty impacted by the camp called Malibu in Canada. Although I’d never been, I applied and was offered a position on the “Beyond Malibu” team one summer. My journey didn’t lead there and I turned it down and went to work at Forest Home in Southern California.

Over the years in ministry I’ve had the chance to be around some pretty great Young Life staff that love kids. I’ve also met a ton of people who had their lives changed through the ministry of Young Life.

With all of that said I still have one issue with Young Life. That issue is when church kids are reached out to by young life staffers.

This statement will probably get me in trouble but I will say it anyways. If your ministry is aimed at seeking the lost then when you find someone who is connected to a church you don’t need to reach out to him or her.

I guess where I’m at with this is I’ve seen several Para church ministries (to be clear my statements here are aimed at everyone not just young life) begin to reach out to kids who are already connected to other places and encourage them to come to their ministry. Many of these kids don’t need outreach they need encouragement to stay connected to their churches.

Before you kill me in the comments I will say that I have a solution and it’s really simple. Last year a Young Life club was trying to get restarted in our town. We offered them to use our youth facility so that they would have a space to meet. We invited the Young Life staff to network events and made sure they knew that we really liked them and wanted to work with them. The solution is to partner. I want the Young Life staff person to know that I think they have an incredible role. I want them to know that the church desperately needs ministries who are reaching out and caring for lost teenagers. I want them to feel supported and empowered that we pray and care for them. In return I want them to support the long-term discipleship that we are doing with students. I want them to know when a student was baptized and confirmed at a church. I want them to do everything they can to encourage students to stay connected to their churches. We need to partner to love teenagers and to encourage them to not just jump around to the new great thing. Will it be easy to partner? No. But ministering to teenagers isn’t supposed to be easy. Commissions never are.

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