Why I’m going to Haiti.

Yesterday I mentioned in a twitter/facebook status update that in just over two weeks I will be going to Haiti.    I need to say at the start that I’m pretty scared to go but not from a safety standpoint.  I got over the “what if” stuff a long time ago in my life and I just assume now that God is in control and don’t worry about those things as much.   I talked this over with my family and my wife and kids are very supportive of me going and being a part of this trip.  For me having my kids see me responding out of my relationship with Jesus is a hugely important thing.  

I’m scared to go for three reasons:   

First, I have mentioned this to a few people and have got a few negative responses.  Everything from the “Haiti doesn’t need you they need money” comments to the “If you go we’re not committing a team right? ” to the “what do you have to offer?”  I should admit that I struggle with insecurities sometimes and these comments were hard to hear.  But, I also know that at their heart the people who shared these things love the Lord and really want to serve the kingdom.  I haven’t tried to verbalize my response to these comments yet because I’m still working all this out for myself.  

The second reason I’m scared to go is that it meant some serious rearranging of my schedule and potentially disappointing some people.   I have been accused before of being involved in to many things and this fall was particularly busy.  This winter I had only a few things on my plate outside of my normal job but they were important things.  In one case I was leading a team of people to an event and I had to replace myself and apologize both to the place we were going and the people that I was taking.  I’ve turned down at least two big things I’ve been invited too this winter in an attempt to not be gone as much.  It took some juggling but I have made it all work.  

The third reason I’m scared to go is totally personal.  I’m scared that I won’t feel enough compassion.  This is a scary thing to admit here on the blog but I feel like I need to be transparent.  I struggle with compassion.  I struggle with not being emotional enough and I often times can come across as cold and not caring.  Probably should say that this is an area that I’m totally focusing on and trying to figure out in my life too.  In February   I was already starting a 4 month long part-time internship as a hospital Chaplain at a hospital here in Dallas.  I’m doing it at the blessing of my Church and denomination.  It’s part of the ordination process but also something that I have been wanting to do for a long time.  My prayer is that what I learn in this area will greatly impact what God can do with me in the future.  

The team I was asked to be a part of will be going down and serving.  The Goal of the trip is to deliver food and water and other supplies those in need in Haiti.  Also, to motivate and activate thousands of Christian teenagers and young adults to come to Haiti in 2010.  Several of us were asked to go and the organization we are partnering with has been involved in Haiti for a long time and has a very specific plan and a huge history in helping in these types of situations.  

I’ll give more details soon about all of this.  I will just ask at the end that you would pray for me, for our team and for the country of Haiti.  There will obviously be needs for years and years.